The Beach

Been at Clearwater Beach for the past few days for a conference.  The beach is so beautiful, the weather warm and breezy. Tonight we walked one of piers at night and it was so amazing to see so many fish swimming actively in the water even after the day was almost over.  It was so dark though and scary to be so far out in the ocean, on the pier of course. Beautiful but fearfully beautiful.  Kind of how God must be like. He is beautiful, but he has a lot of scary powers too.  

Yesterday was probably the first day I haven't cried in the past week or so.  I've been taking my grandpa's death pretty hard and so naturally, there have been many tears. The beach has had this calming effect on me, the sounds, the water, the sun.  I thought the beach might be able to heal my sadness completely, but I should have figured that loss is not something that goes away quickly.  I can feel the feelings and the sadness overwhelming me again just knowing that I'm going home tomorrow.  I've always thought about what it might feel like when Yeye would pass away. I knew and already felt previously how hard it might be at the moment I heard he passed, but I never imagined or even was able to imagine of what life must be like without him afterward. That's what I can't figure out quite yet.

I realized tonight that one of the best things I loved about Ye is that when I talked with him, he always wanted to hear what I said. He always was excited to hear me talk about how far I ran and would respond as if what I said was always interesting and important.  Not that other people are less caring, but in today's world, you don't typically get that type of special attention. Something I'll miss.

Signing off from Clearwater Beach.  Tomorrow Kevin is going to wake up nice and early to fish.  And next time Kev and I come back, we're going to visit Sawgrass Lake and see some alligators.=)