You are getting the inside scope. And if I don't end up getting married, you can feel miserable for me. I'm writing this before I even tell Kevin because frankly, it's worth mentioning and a window into how eventful and exciting life with me can be.=)
So literally TODAY, I was walking through the parking lot in the chilly weather when I realized that I no longer had my engagement ring on. I had just finished packing up and inspecting the last of boxes for the Operation Christmas Child shoe box drive and so you would think for my good deeds, God would not allow such traumatizing events to occur to me. I frantically ran back to the church house where I had been packing boxes and ended up rummaging through the trash barehanded, and started looking through 29 shoe boxes that we had packed for the shoe drive. It could have been in the bags of candy I had double bagged or loose among pencils and toys in each box, or it could have been on the millions feet of floor I had walked over that past hour. I started losing it, and inside was crying, and okay a little outside too, but then I remembered this verse that I had applied to my life just the day before.
It said, "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for, and certain of what we do not see."
Yesterday, I had tried to have faith by being sure of what I hoped for, meaning I was hoping that I'd have some success with a project i was doing at work. It worked, shockingly. Okay, God worked, and he listened. So a day later in my frantic moment, I thought I'd give faith a try once more. I reminded myself not to lose it, meaning not to open the door to the outside and start wailing to the guys playing soccer in the parking lot about how I lost my engagement ring, and instead, I stayed inside the basement of the church house and told myself, "BEL, hold it together." I did keep crying though something that's really hard to catch me doing, and in my mind, I kept thinking about how Kevin really shouldn't have gotten me a ring, or how he should have gone with cubic zirconia, and then I thought about how expensive the ring was, and how shiny it was, and how I had lost it and I wasn't even married yet. I kept wondering if I had the same "losing things" gene that my mom has and then I thought about how it had only been 20 days since we got engaged. My cell phone battery was dying but I called my dad, and never before do I think I ever called my dad knowing that there'd be a possibly he'd find me crying. He didn't answer. I thought about whether I should call my sister or Kevin himself, but I held out. I didn't want Kev having to tell his mentor teacher that he had to leave because his girlfriend had lost the diamond ring he bought her. What made me feel the worst was knowing that Kevin spent money on it when he didn't have a lot money. His wallet isn't made of gold or anything. I think in reality, it's moreso made out of plastic or paper. In fact, this ring was the nicest gift I had ever gotten from Kevin, or anyone, and I knew I'd never get a gift that nice like that again...and especially not after this incident.
Hopeless, I thought that maybe things would turn out just like when I lost my memory stick, or when I lost my wallet in high school. All those things meant a lot to me and hey, I never found them. So as I was searching through each box, I asked myself why I always had to rush and be so fast, and lose everything anyone ever gave me. Then I thought about how some little kid in Africa sure would be happy to find a diamond ring in their Christmas gift. I looked through almost all of them and then knowing how nonmeticulous I can be, I decided I should search really carefully and so I took all the shoe boxes out of the storage room where they sat and put them on the table so I can dissect through each one of them, all 29 to see if I could find the nicest gift anyone had ever given me or entrusted me with.
I looked through maybe 5-6 shoeboxes really carefully and then came to one where everything was just thrown in kind of ugly. It was a box for a 2-4 year old girl, and after taking out all the little gadgets and toys and all, I saw my shiny beautiful ring slide out onto the table. After a HUGE sigh of relief, and a "Thank you God, hallelujah" prayer, I grabbed the ring and put on back on my finger immediately. And that's when I thought oh boyboyboy Kevin, and this is only the beginning baby.
