What am I going to make for my friends coming over today? Didn't we invite Kev's mom over tomorrow? How am I going to find time to spend with my cousins if I do that? I want to learn how to crochet something more than scarves. Should I train for a marathon? I need to call this person....
When I'm well my mind races and it's a sign in the morning of how much I need God to just set me straight, so like I said I decided to listen to the Daily Audio Bible. What I remember is that I need God and each morning, I really don't know what each day holds. There are some days more intense than others and deep within in me, I want to be prepared for anything that will happen. Some days I wonder if something crazy might happen to me at work or if I might faint unexpectedly, etc. I remember I thought this on the morning of October 22nd. By the way, did you ever notice how nice and symmetrical that date is (10.22.10)? Anyways, it was a Friday morning and I remember wondering how the day would pan out. God knew and he gave me an inkling that I needed to be prepared for quite an intense day. So much so that that morning I decided to take a extra mini walk to the end of my parking lot and back just because I felt like the fresh air and short physical activity was all I was going to get, but was much needed for the day.
And before that I had read a short devotion and this was the only verse that God gave me on that morning. It said, "Be strong and courageous and do the work. Don't be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord God, my God, is with you. He will not fail you or forsake you..." 1 Chronicles 28:20 (NLT).
God prepared as much as he thought I needed to be for the day with his word and I'm thankful for that. As I drove over to Lins House that morning, I was frantic because I knew something traumatic had happened to my grandpa, sad, and yet together because I had that verse written on a post-it note to remind me to do the work on that day, I was going to "do the work" and just be there for my grandpa and grandma. I really didn't think Yeye would die on that day, but God really knew what I needed. The interesting thing is that the second part of the verse "He will not fail you or forsake you" was a verse I had given Yeye a little while back. It was the main verse that I thought of when I thought of him and I had given it to him because someone I worked with reminded me that when you get really old, death is nearer and what is ahead of you can be scary and uncertain, so for older people sometimes they don't need verses like "Love is patient and kind..." or other verses they've heard multiple times, they need to know that whatever happens, God will always be with them and they will never be left behind.
It was almost as if God had given the verse to both myself and Yeye. The first half of the verse was a reminder for me to remember to be a blessing and the second half of the verse was for Yeye as went on to what is pretty uncertain. Yes, heaven, but how many of us really know what it's like? We will truly see what unfolds today....
2 comments:
Bel, I love that you give yourself time to reflect, process, and grieve through losing your precious grandpa. When I lost my grandpa last January, I didn't really let myself do that, and so when we went to his burial site this summer while we were in Korea, it was very overwhelming. And at our Korean wedding, I really missed him being there. I think part of the lack of reflection/inability to truly grieve was because I was here and therefore a bit detached from the reality of his death.
Anyway, thanks for sharing your heart so honestly. Your posts about your Yeye have been a bit eye-opening for me. :~)
what you made for us was great! and who needs forks to eat? :) love you bel! i need that picture of us...send it to me soon!!!
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