To Breathe

In the midst of the "everyday", I am finding that I receive constant reminders that I should really be thankful that I have breath and life each day.  Who cares if my hair is out of whack or if my husband isn't treating me the way I'd like him to, or if the class I'm taking has outrageous amounts of work?  I should just be thankful to inhale and breathe the air around me. I should be thankful to be me and want nothing else.

Since 7th grade, I've seemed to have a bit too many encounters with agonizing cramps, fainting, passing out, or asthma attacks where I just have no breath.   Sharp stomach pains, dizziness, being on the ground, and loud gaspings for breath are just too familiar to my life.... not to mention they're embarrassing.  In 7th grade I passed out after a mile run called the "fun run" and was sent to the ER after I had horrible cramps.  While playing field hockey in college, I had a number of episodes where I had asthma attacks or agonizing cramps AGAIN which led me to sound like I was in labor almost every time. One person commented to me once that it sounded like I was having sex.. which again is not the way to attract your future mate.  And the week after I got engaged and about a few weeks after running the Marine Corp Marathon, I passed out, puked, and more after a 3 mile run outdoors.  I was in bathroom stall in fact when I passed out on the floor. And let me tell you, there is not much more humbling that passing out in a public restroom stall. It's pretty disgusting.  Last week I went to spin class and as people filed out of the studio,  my stomach didn't feel right and my head was definitely losing all depth perception and feeling a little woozy...again.   You can only guess what happened.   (I'm waiting a few weeks before I return to class.)

Every time I lose it, a good citizen, often left unidentified helps me off the floor, calls 911, or gives me water and helps me clean up the gross mess I've made of myself.  Thank good for these people. They remind that God still provides and has many helping hands among us when in need and in our weakest moments.   I remember gripping onto the door of the health center in college, not sure if I could make it inside to tell them I wasn't feeling good at all.  Some man discovered me perched on the door handle and went to call the nurse.  I never looked to see his fact, but because of him, the nurse came with a wheelchair and I was soon sent to the ER.  Not only is there a helping hand in these all "events" but in addition, I find myself always humbled, party due to the embarrassment.  I remember that I can't do everything and I'm not super fast best woman after all.  I am put in my weak moments and it returns me to myself and who I really am, someone who needs divine help and the control of a heavenly Father.

I've always hoped that one day I can be that girl or woman that we all know, who is puttogether, stylish, sophisticated, eloquent, and proper in all she does.  I try, trust me, but with my weird quirks, the passing out, and my frugality in buying second hand clothes... which sometimes I find holes in, I am still pretty far from ideal.   I have my good moments but all in all, my slight "brush with death" every few years reminds me that the beauty of having breath, having health, and just being me is good enough.

INTRODUCING!!!

Josiah Tam, so cute.  Today I went to the hospital to see my newest nephew.  Sadly, when my first niece came, I didn't know how exciting a new baby can be, but now that I'm a three time aunt, I definitely know how to celebrate and be excited...first I held the baby and then tonight I'm going to eat a cupcake in his honor.  While most newborns are not so cute, this little honey is no lying, absolutely 101% cute, no joke.  And he has much potential for the days to come.

I was hoping and crossing my fingers that this baby wouldn't be born this weekend.  This weekend, I went out of town and I didn't want to miss a thing.  So logically, I asked my sister to just hold off until I came home and then things would be perfect. Of course, the kind sister that she is, my sister held it off and had her baby on March 14th, yesterday at around 8:45pm. This time so happened to be 15 minutes before I got off the bus from a trip to NYC.  I was already in town technically when she was pushing this baby into the world.  PERFECT timing, huh? ...ahhh yes, this week is going to be a good week.  

Excitingly, this new baby is an addition to my current two person fan club.  The greatest thing about being an aunt is having a fun club.  Whenever I visit or happen to see my niece and nephew, they welcome me as if I'm a big celebrity.  And that I AM!!  Just last week, I showed up to see them and the moment they saw me at the door, they started jumping up and down, cheering "YI YI" meaning Auntie, and ran towards the door to greet me.  Big celebration when I come, definitely better than any adult welcome I've gotten.  With little Josiah here, there's another precious person to add to my fan club.  What could be better than that? And for all of you who have been waiting for footage of this new little potato, here it is!

How much sadder could a boy be?  Here's a picture of my ever so crazy nephew getting a haircut.  He was supposed to come over to play with Kevin and I and little did he know that he was going to get a little buzz by my honey. Believe it not, a few minutes before this picture he was getting a kick out of his haircut. Kevin gave him celebrity treatment by letting him use one of only two patterned towels that we got as a wedding gift.  This expression is the epitome of a "I really don't this" kinda feeling.

Check out this devo that I read this afternoon. One of my goals this year is not to play it safe. This doesn't mean that I'm going to skydive or jump in front of cars or play hooky from work. It just means that in the day to day, I'm going to go with my gut, stand up for something when I feel the nudge to, call a friend when I'm afraid to, meet a new friend although it might seem awkward for me. It means I'm going to pursue my bucket list and be determined to meet my goals of the year.  I do believe that when we are bold in obedience to Christ, he does great things, he brings true complete satisfaction, and he brings joy to our hearts.

http://proverbs31devotions.blogspot.com/2010/02/take-walk-on-wild-side.html
More later on my snowy adventures!!

The best places

I think everyone has certain places where they simply see God better.  If I'm eating, I'm in a good place, but I'm definitely in no place to think and I honestly don't really pay much attention to God, only the good food he's given me.

Here are my best places where I realized that put me in position to see God more.
1. In the car - Recently got a new Honda Fit to replace my precious 95 Saturn SL.  Good mileage was important, yes to save money, but I guess it also is beneficial because I think best in the car and so if I drive alot, I better get good gas mileage too.  The car really allows me to think better and it doesn't matter whether I was in the old clunky car or my new ride... it's just a place of solitude away from the world yet where I can still see what's going on around me.  I realized this the other week when I just couldn't pray.  Was driving to the gym, which is literally only a few miles away and in those few minutes, I realized God may be around me after all...and out of my stupor I went.

2. On the treadmill or on the pavement - I can honestly pray forever and for everything when I'm on a run. And God works in me and can just change my bad attitudes.   I think Kevin's realized this because I'll often ask him "Do you think I should go to the gym?" He thinks about it and then tells me "Yeah you should go. You like going to the gym." Probably because whether angry, raged, confused, or unmotivated, I have a good amount of uninterrupted time and somehow I always get a glimpse of God, his love, or maybe the joy of endorphins.   It's one of the best times where I feel like I can easily and actually talk with God. What's odd is that while most people dread the tread (aka dreadmill), it does me much good. Maybe it's the even cadence that gets me in a place where God can talk to me, or maybe just the fact that I don't have a running buddy to talk to.

3. In a new place - There's something about new places that really gives me a fresh perspective.  There's many places I'm familiar with but when I go to a new environment, a new state, a dangerous new place, and venture or explore even in my own neighborhood or into a new situation, I am challenged and also introduced to something I've never experienced before. One thing about going to church all the time is it becomes an old place and sometimes we just live there and then stay there.  It can get boring and eventually you see God least in church because it's so familiar.  You're not stretched, scared, or in need of God and thus, I'm beginning to see how important it is for me to take the opportunities God gives me to go somewhere new, try something new, do something risky, and just find Him more.

The sadness

I heard on WTOP yesterday that 200,000 people are reported dead in Haiti. That's a whole lot of people and more than I would ever know.  If I was born in Haiti, it's highly likely that all the people I know, friends, acquaintances, and basically my entire environment would be wiped out completely.  I don't even know what i would do put in that situation.  And I guess events or death tolls like this puts things into perspective for me.  When sadness is tearing away at people and simply overwhelming, I think it's so strong that people across the world can feel that same sadness, and as you get closer to Haiti, I'm sure the grief and the loss intensifies.   


While surfing on Facebook last night, I found out with sadness that this missionary kid I had met on a trip to Taiwan in 5th grade got in a fatal car accident yesterday and passed soon after.  She was one year younger than myself, and apparently on her way to work, as a 4th grade teacher.   I only met her less than a handful of times.  From the time I met her in 5th grade to the time we visited their family in the U.S, I remember that she had a lot of joy, a lot of smiles that made our visits very comfortable and enjoyable too.  If she lived near me, I'd probably want to be her friend because she was one of those genuinely cheery souls, and it only took a matter of seconds to realize this.  She passed away in a matter of seconds and without any warning. 


Yesterday, as I drove home from work I saw this middle aged man walking home on the sidewalk with his groceries.  He had three long rolls of italian or french bread along with other groceries and as I waited at a red light, I saw that one of the rolls slipped out of its clear plastic cover and touched the concrete in its bare skin.  As he realized what had occurred, I could feel the sadness there.  It was a long piece of bread, but things like that can turn a day sour.  


Death and funerals and even italian rolls can make people live their days in sadness, but I was thinking that at least in sadness, we begin to take notice of people that we may never have even lay a thought on.  We become more aware, we recall and remember, and we come to know people just a bit more.  

Spinning and spinning

In the year of 2010 and I decided to be a so called "risktaker" and to try new things.  Now I thought that after I wrote a letter to Oprah, that she'd actually call me or write me back soon, but apparently, she's a little busy. So in the meantime, I'm still trying new things. YESTERDAY, I decided to make something for my husband, since he's been sick and I haven't been too disciplined in providing him with food.  So I made chili! Is that new?  Well, not really because I've eaten it many times, BUT I've never made it myself.  So yesterday I called my sister up and ventured to put some food on the table.

This week I also decided to try the spinning class at my new gym.  Typically, for an little Asian like myself, I can get some anxiety when going to class alone. I mean even when I took swimming lesson at the Y when I was younger, my mom got two friends to join swimming class with me. This way, I could have one friend sit on each side and I wouldn't bail out or waste my mom's money.  I think I have the perseverance and persistence of lion at times and then at other times I'm just pure baby --shy and extremely scared.  Anyways, I took spinning class and went into that class alone and while I had no friends, it was too fun!  They had loud techno music playing that made me almost feel like I was dancing (which I love to do) and it was part of my membership.  What's next? Pilates? Yoga? or ZUMBA?? We'll have to see.  Stay updated...=)