My "I Wish" list

Okay let's be honest, we all at one time wish that we have things we don't have.  I'm not in the best of moods, mainly because I started getting hives yesterday and I am SO itchy!!  I have been pondering today how really fortunate I am to have a doctor, to have the ability to buy medications so easily and to have money to do so, to have a couch to sit on that is 140% comfy, to have a husband who says he'll take care of me, so really although I have an "I wish" list of pretty much complaints, I am oddly thankful at the same time.  Let's be honest though. Sometimes we just WISH things were a little different.  I thought I'd share that list today.

1. To start off, I wish I wasn't so itchy! Who thought of this condition? Being itchy is one of the worst things.
2. I wish that Kevin and I would both be healthy soon. Kevin is still coughing and recovering from his mono, strep, and ear infection and I was getting over a sinus infection that made my eyes hurt when these hives came along.
3. I wish I didn't have big bunions that hurt.
4. I wish I could run a marathon and not worry about my feet.
5. I wish I was taller so I didn't have to wear 2 inch boots or heels so that my pants don't drag.  Or so that I don't look like I'm 12 or just a midget.
6. I wish laundry and dishes just washed themselves!
7. I wish I could be married and live with Kev but also live with my grandma and the excitement of my nieces and nephews... but not have to live with Kevin in their house.=)
8. I wish I didn't get two cavities today.
9. I wish I could have my summer vacation soon.
10. I wish ice cream and desserts were full of vitamins instead of sugar.

Goodness! I feel so much better. Well, to conclude, I want to say that typically I would write that I wish my hair wasn't so darn crazy.  I still have not been able to unleash the hair stylist in me to help me have beautiful flowy hair, so I do tend to wear it up as often as possible, but I'm definitely coming to grips with my hair and starting to like it sometimes.  I give you permission to wish today.

I don't think I could ever say my life is boring.  I'm thankful for that.  Did I mention how I realized I have got to do a better job of taking care of myself? I think I tend to feel guilty often and often do things out of obligation and guilt and sometimes forget to do something to keep myself healthy. I wish I could do a better job of taking care of myself sometimes.  I want to do something yet I feel stuck sometimes and don't do it.  

 So for the past week I've been trying to do something everyday that allows me to take care of myself.  One day I spent about an hour writing. That was so nice. Another day I exercised, which was amazing, but typical.  Yesterday I decided going to my church's prayer meeting was what I wanted to do, and it was so encouraging, another day I pulled Kevin along and wanted to go visit his mom.  Fun.  And two days ago, I was brave and tried out Yoga 2 for the first time. That's right, not yoga 1, but yoga 2.  I was hesitant because I've never gone and I knew it was a busy class, but somehow things worked out and I went.  It was 75 minutes long, but I can tell you I've never been so thankful to try something new.  

This morning I attended a training on how kids deal with death. SO interesting and very enlightening. What God showed me through this training was how much he has loved me.  Preparing children for the death of a loved one, especially a parent is so important. By having the dying parent write letters to the child, talk to the child and share what is most important to them, discuss with the child what life will be after the death, leaving objects or memories for that child are important things to do to prepare children for death.  There's so much more.  But as I listened, I realized that while I'm not a child anymore, all the important things that can help a child cope with death a little better were things that happened in my life prior to Yeye's death.  In fact, God I think has been preparing me for the past ten years, and Yeye did a good job too probably not intentionally by leaving me with many pictures, many gifts/objects, and many memories that I am so thankful for.  He gave me this devotional book probably over five years ago and wrote me a letter instead starting it with "Dearest Isabel..." stating that he found that devotional book to be of good spiritual value. Didn't really read it much until he passed away and now what was seemingly a crumb on my shelf is a treasure to me now. He gave me one of his scarves maybe two years ago that he had never worn that is very nice quality and quite stylish.  And he attended my wedding, something I'm so thankful for.  What I'm even more thankful for is what he left behind for me.  For my wedding, he wrote his last piece of calligraphy and gave it to me. And of course, the day he passed, he said good bye.  And while it makes me cry, I feel so lucky because after Yeye died, I was left with no regrets, no hopes that I had spent more time with him, or loved him more.  And only God could have planned things so well.  Only he knew enough to place me in a new job where I would be even more prepared and taken care of.  Amazing!

I have never been so thankful for power until this week!  Our condo's thermostat went from 73 degrees down to 46-47 in just a few hours and Kevin and I, were freezing babies for two days.  Boiled water constantly to try and keep things warm and I was getting cabin fever and tired of having to go to sleep at 8 o'clock because there wasn't enough light. No internet connection meaning no daily audio bible.  BUT thank God for a gas stove and fire. One thing I love about power outages is getting to light candles and making smores.

I've never been so happy to go to work or just to see people either. I have to say on Wednesday, I was wishing for a snow day real bad, but after staying inside with Kev, who was sick and couldn't play in the snow with me, I wanted to go to work and was so excited to see and talk to people again.  With power out and toes about to break off, we also had Kev's college buddy come visit for the winter storm! A visitor during this!?!? How brave.  It was so much fun to have a visitor during such extreme conditions!  And nice that Kev's friend Ritter is a tough MK/soldier and was content staying in our humble igloo.    When he left he folded the eight something blankets he used so neatly.  I was very impressed.

Well, today is the day to clear out our candles, clean up all the crumbs I dropped while eating SMORES in the dark, and prepare for Sunday.  By preparing I mean that I'm making cookies for our teen's Sunday School.  I think this is my favorite part about teaching teens because it's an enjoyable and low stress to bake for them.  The teens are grateful for anything to eat and I get to try out some old and new recipes.

New Ingredients

Oh wow, it's been quite the month so far.  Some things that have made life exciting?  New things! I've decided that it's important to try new things, and in my opinion new ingredients add some nice spice to life!

Chinese kids do not eat feta and I have never thought to buy it UNTIL a few weeks ago.  I barely know how to use it, but it's just exciting to have something new and seemingly gourmet in my fridge.  I'm used to Kraft Singles American Cheese so exploring feta has been great. We made our very own greek salad a few weeks ago. Who knew you could make greek salad. sigh.. the things I learn.

The other ingredient I chose this past week was collard greens.  I didn't really know what they were. I'd heard of them but never tried them and now I kind of know why. They taste like bad bitter vegetables, which kind of works for me, but they sure don't go in salad or with oyster sauce that well.  But I guess that's what you get for trying new things.  Collard greens, just like feta are not what typical Chinese kids eat. Apparently it's a southern dish.  I'm happy to have been introduced to a new green though.

The grocery store is like my mall. So much fun...

Nothing Creative

I was backtracking and looking at the numerous other blogs I've had in my life.  It makes me feel boring now because my xanga/blogs used to be so interesting.  Is this what happens when you get older? Well, nevertheless, I've been able to slow down in life and I'm enjoying it a lot. Maybe that's a tradeoff for being less busy. I'm starting to realize that busyness in my life is just not good at all. This Sunday, I was reminded in the sermon that when we're busy, God cannot use us because we're not available.  I'm sure that God has used me in the past decade, but I'm wondering if God had something else he wanted me to do sometime in these past few years and he didn't bother to use me because I was too busy.  Too busy with school, too busy running, doing programs, eating, too busy trying to keep up with every single one of my friends that I've ever met in my life.

What I've noticed lately is that for the first time in awhile I haven't felt on edge when I'm driving. Maybe it's the "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff" chapter I read on using your driving time to relax rather than getting angry at the selfish and arrogant drivers around.  People who drive slowly need more credit you know? I used to give dirty looks to anyone who would tail my car and then speed past like they were so important.  It would make me so angry. Sometimes I'd just have to try to breathe deeply, other days I would press my finger on an imaginary button on the steering wheel and imagine that the car that wronged me would blow up. I learned that method from a guy in college.

I am extremely thankful because last month (December) my grandma after many many years somehow taught me how to knit.  I know everyone is learning to knit now and it shouldn't seem that hard, but when I was little Mama tried to teach me multiple times and I got so frustrated and she got so frustrated that she taught me how to crochet instead.   Priscilla was smart so of course she learned to knit, but man it probably has been 15+ years since Mama last taught me and just last month, dream became reality!

My other praise to the Lord is that just yesterday I learned how to crochet this one difficult stitch that I thought Mama would never be able to teach me.  After Yeye passed away I have really realized that I can't take people especially my grandma for granted. So when I have time, I love to visit her and I've been pretty motivated to learn all I can from her. Mama is a master knitter/crocheter. I wish I could show you a video, but she is a speed machine when it comes to her fingers. For most of my crocheting career I have only made scarves and I literally only use one or two different stitches and just use different color yarn to make each scarf look different.  I wasn't sure I was going to be able to learn this difficult pattern that Mama was trying to show me. In fact, I was so hopeless that I was just hoping that she would crochet at least one more scarf with this pattern thinking that at least it would be one more memory I have of her.  I am so proud (clap clap clap) to say though that yesterday I learned this pattern and these scarves I'm sure will be in demand.  Place your orders everyone.=)  Pictures of my first finished scarf (with this pattern) will soon be posted.  Give me a few days.

I'm not sure why but I think I'm less honest the older I get and in some ways, that could also equate to more boring! AH, sigh.  I think I have a chronic condition aka addiction to blogging.  From xanga, to blogspot, and now even turning "Kevin and my" wedding blog into my own blog.  That's a sign of total addiction.

Anyways, today is one of those days where you stay inside even though you really just wish you could go outside.  I haven't touched outside ground or breathed in any fresh air and it's already 2pm.  I'm not sure why I'm so silly sometimes.  Maybe I think it takes too much effort to go out, or sometimes I'm scared to see people, or in some ways I could just be to lazy and too unmotivated to have to interact and behave normal altogether.  You must know what I'm talking about.  I think when I'm at home I can act as silly, as tired as I want, as grumpy as I want, hehe, and I can wear pj's and glasses and not have to try to look good AT all.  

Kevin just asked me if he could play videogames. I just realized that I have taught my husband so well. Him ask ME if he can play video games? Since we're on the topic of marriage, I found out a friend of mine separated from her husband this week. It happened a little while back, but she and I got married the same time so it was pretty disheartening to hear how these things happen. I have really a great husband, he really is top quality and cares for me so much, but when I hear stories of friends or other people who I know who divorce or have marital issues that are destroying their marriage I remember that I am not immune to any of that and I had better get off my lazy butt and be good to Kevin and strive to be a good helper to him.  I was ultra impressed because today as I listened to DAB, one woman had a prayer request because she had separated from her husband of 20 years and now her husband was married to the person he had an affair with. Anyways, she said she has been praying for the success of her husband and his new wife because she wants her four children not to have to see any more divorce. She also said she has been praying that although her husband left her, she is praying that he and his new wife would come back to the Lord.  Amazing to have that kind of love.   

Guns and Christians

With the most recent shootings, I realized that many people are against guns simply because a few people were stupid and abused the power of a gun to kill others.   As a result, many people despise guns, when in reality they really aren't that bad or bad at all.  I'm sure some of you would beg to differ.  I was always afraid of guns myself because I saw that in crime, guns were often what killed.  But then I went to school in small town world and realized that a whole lot of people in our country own guns and surprisingly, they aren't killers at all. 

Guns I've been thinking are a whole lot like Christians.  Never thought about it until this past weekend, but a lot of people, especially in the cities seem to really dislike Christians just as much as guns.  I hate to say it but I befriend people and I hear their bias against Christianity and while they like me, I often wonder if they still would if they knew that God was number one in my life.  I'm not sure they would.  Hmm.... Why is that?  I think it's that small number of people again who rather than abusing firearms call themselves Christians, go to church, tell people proudly they're Christians, yet totally do not live like they care about God and they really don't have a relationship with him. You see them on Sundays yet you also see them doing a whole of other things and they put out the worst reputation for Christians.   I hate that, because in reality, with God, we become more loving and the Holy Spirit if we listen and are in tune with God helps us to be radically loving making a dramatic difference in the lives of others.  

Alright the thought of the day..... time to sleep. Thank God for Friday. =)