New Things

The wedding and honeymoon are over. It's hard to believe and actually it feels like it just flew by or maybe never happened.  Maybe that's just because I haven't gotten any pictures back, haven't written too many thank you cards, and well, I think I know many of Kevin's quirks already, so in that way things haven't changed.  

On the other hand, a lot has changed.  I can truly tell you that I never thought marriage is what it is like now or will be.  While we were dating we didn't get into too many the past few years, but when you get married, it's funny how things change.   Kevin and I have definitely gotten into our first marital fights but it's not just that.  I began reading this book given to us by THE "Theo Lai" called "Sacred Marriage" and basically it says that marriage is not meant to make us happy. God uses it to make us holy. It all is starting to make sense now.  AHA moment!

This morning Kevin and I had an argument. It was big and I felt conflicted inside because half of me hated him and the other half knew that I had promised to "cherish" him like I said in my wedding vows.   I was so angry because Kevin really was telling me things about myself that I was like UGHhh!!  Basically he reminded me that I can be prideful, condescending, etc. etc.  That's when I realized that I think God uses marriage not to make us happier, but really to make us holier.  Honestly, that's not why I got married and I doubt anyone gets married simply to become holy, but really it makes sense.  That is probably why people end up separating so often. They get married hoping to be happy but really they don't realize that marriage is a relationship that is used to sharpen and challenge us to make us holier and closer to God.

So basically in my mind, it seems that in these next many years, God is going to use the closest person to me, my best friend, and the guy who I rate 10++++  on the scale of hotness to tell me the truth of my sin.  Instead of using some random person, Kevin's going to be the brave soul who is going to reveal to me my selfishness, my impatience, and the list continues on.   Knowing that this married life is meant to make me holier, it's a pretty startling and scary note to self that there will be many fights, many sharpenings, many battles that are meant to be there to make me more like God.   Hmmm..  What I'm realizing is that I really didn't sign up for this (I knew there'd be fights...but this is bigger, holiness).  And even more, I'm realizing that I barely have any idea of what marriage and being holy really mean.   I didn't know I signed up for so much, but I have a feeling that was all in the plan.  Here's to many years... cheers=)