Today's blog is completely dedicated to my grandpa.  Most people connect New Year's to Dick Clark, but I connect New Year's and New Year's Eve to Yeye.  His birthday was January 1st and so as people count down to midnight and are partying it up, I always think of my grandpa around this time.  He would have turned 99 tomorrow, and although I had hoped I could brag about Yeye making it to 100, he did make it to 98 and I'm thankful for that.

Interestingly enough, the night before Yeye passed away, I was in our living room telling Kevin that I thought Yeye could qualify for hospice, meaning he had "6 months left to live".  When I told Kevin that he exclaimed, "Are you kidding? Your grandpa isn't going to die soon. He's going to live at least two more year." He was so strong for his age, like the iron man of life, so much so that I thought and I'm sure others thought might live forever.

I miss my grandpa and have missed him throughout these past few weeks alot, but today I really really miss him. My dad asked me on Christmas what I remember most about my grandpa.  There are so many memories, especially considering that he was one of my housemates for 20+ years.  The thing I remember most though is that he loved me a lot and I was very very special to him.  Of course there are other memories, but that was the message I got throughout my 27 years with him.  Here are some of the other memories:

New Year's Eve - When we all lived together, my sisters and sometimes my cousins even would count down with Dick Clark to midnight and right after we yelled "Happy New Year!" we'd stampede up the stairs to my grandpa's room and give him a big hug and kiss and wish him happy birthday.

Checkin up - This past year Yeye would often call me to check up to see how I was doing with school and everything.  It's nice having someone check up on you often.  I'd use a lot of energy to talk extra loud so he could hear me, but he would call at least once a week and tell me if he missed me and of course, he ask me when I was coming to visit next. He told me that if I was busy, not to visit, but I'm glad that I never listened to him and visited as often as I could. My friend Sooz told me in college that "Friend are always more important than homework," so I use that same principle with Mama and Yeye.

A little sweetness - The reason Ye and I got along so well could have been the fact that he always had sweets on him. He had a stash of Snickers and chocolate and cookies in his room and I was highly supportive of that.  He believed in sweets and classics like Snickers and Coke and he valued the power of sugar.=)

I guess part of growing is experiencing the reality and truth of life...that people don't live forever, things fall apart, and we need God.  I'm sad to not get to see Yeye and wondering when I'll see him next, but I thank God for so many good friends and family, much laughter, and an excitement for life as I wake up each morning.  God has been sooo good to me.

What Each Day Holds

Rather than starting on the 1st, I've started listening to the Daily Audio Bible a few days ago.  I feel like I need the bible, the direction of it and the calmness and peace of God throughout my life, especially in the next year.  I know I'm no longer sick now because I woke up this morning with all sorts of ideas in my head:


What am I going to make for my friends coming over today? Didn't we invite Kev's mom over tomorrow? How am I going to find time to spend with my cousins if I do that? I want to learn how to crochet something more than scarves.  Should I train for a marathon? I need to call this person....


When I'm well my mind races and it's a sign in the morning of how much I need God to just set me straight, so like I said I decided to listen to the Daily Audio Bible.  What I remember is that I need God and each morning, I really don't know what each day holds.  There are some days more intense than others and deep within in me, I want to be prepared for anything that will happen. Some days I wonder if something crazy might happen to me at work or if I might faint unexpectedly, etc. I remember I thought this on the morning of October 22nd.  By the way, did you ever notice how nice and symmetrical that date is (10.22.10)? Anyways, it was a Friday morning and I remember wondering how the day would pan out.  God knew and he gave me an inkling that I needed to be prepared for quite an intense day.  So much so that that morning I decided to take a extra mini walk to the end of my parking lot and back just because I felt like the fresh air and short physical activity was all I was going to get, but was much needed for the day.

And before that I had read a short devotion and this was the only verse that God gave me on that morning. It said, "Be strong and courageous and do the work. Don't be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord God, my God, is with you.  He will not fail you or forsake you..." 1 Chronicles 28:20 (NLT).

God prepared as much as he thought I needed to be for the day with his word and I'm thankful for that. As I drove over to Lins House that morning, I was frantic because I knew something traumatic had happened to my grandpa, sad, and yet together because I had that verse written on a post-it note to remind me to do the work on that day, I was going to "do the work" and just be there for my grandpa and grandma.  I really didn't think Yeye would die on that day, but God really knew what I needed. The interesting thing is that the second part of the verse "He will not fail you or forsake you" was a verse I had given Yeye a little while back. It was the main verse that I thought of when I thought of him and I had given it to him because someone I worked with reminded me that when you get really old, death is nearer and what is ahead of you can be scary and uncertain, so for older people sometimes they don't need verses like "Love is patient and kind..." or other verses they've heard multiple times, they need to know that whatever happens, God will always be with them and they will never be left behind.

It was almost as if God had given the verse to both myself and Yeye.  The first half of the verse was a reminder for me to remember to be a blessing and the second half of the verse was for Yeye as went on to what is pretty uncertain. Yes, heaven, but how many of us really know what it's like? We will truly see what unfolds today....

I've been feeling pretty horrible, but I think the medication I was given may be starting to take some positive effect so here I am, listening to Hiram Ring and eating Kevin's bread crust that he decided to leave on his plate.  I made fresh bread with our bread machine today and Kevin charmingly ate all the soft and warm bread on the inside and left the big thick crust on his plate.  

Pineapple and Milk

These are two things that I bought this week that convinced me that Safeway must in fact be the new Santa.  Each day for the past two weeks Safeway has had a daily deal and when I can, I jump right on them. Ironically, I had no idea what the daily deal were this week.  On Sunday night, I wanted to buy the smallest container of milk, less than 1/2 a gallon (because typically I don't drink enough and it spoils), but it must have been divine intervention for my Ovaltine story, because the one daily deal on Sunday was 1 whole gallon of milk for 99 cents!!! So of course instead of spending one dollar and some change on a liter of milk, I went for the gallon because 99 cents for milk is steal!  Kmart can't beat that. Target can't beat that. Shoot, even the dollar store can't beat it.   

Next day, I went back to Safeway and got a pineapple.  Yup, 99 cents.  A real good Christmas gift. (Kevin, I'm buying new shoes..hehe) Okay, back to Ovaltine. 

Ovaltine

As I've mentioned before, I try to do something every day to remember Yeye.  The month my grandpa passed away someone gave him Ovaltine as a gift.  Being a devoted drinker of Ensure at the time, Yeye tried to give it to me.  Most young people are really afraid to take anything from old people (mostly because they're just afraid of old people and think they're sickly). I've observed that people are afraid of taking food especially, which is sad, but I guess I understand. Ye was very adamant about giving me his Ovaltine though, and because it wasn't open, I took it.  When he gave it to me though, he laughed and told me in Chinese that it'd be good for me because I run, but that it can make you fat.  I think he was actually complimenting me and saying that I wouldn't get fat because I run, but that for anyone else aside from me, it would make them fat.=) 

Anyways, I brought it home and of course, Kevin did not want to drink it.  It's been there for about a month and just this week, I decided to peel open the container and give it a shot. That's right!  I haven't been running for the past 2 or 3 weeks so I could very well get fat I guess, but I figured Ovaltine has a lot of nutrients that I probably don't typically get from natural foods, not mention it helps me get some calcium/milk intake.  So in the beginning of the week, I drank Ovaltine for breakfast with 99 cent milk and remembered Yeye.  Maybe that's what got the tears rolling again.

"Crying may not bring the person back, but sometimes it can bring us back."

One of the bereavement (grief) counselors at my work told me this yesterday and I might have to agree. We had a 5-10 minute time of remembrance at our office for staff who wanted to remember any family or friends they lost and I went, but of course, as you might of guessed I was a basketcase. I intended maybe to shed two tears, but I couldn't hold it back and the grief counselor who also is the sweetest coworker who led this remembrance told me not to... so I listened.  It's amazing how work and life can keep you busy, yet when you sit down even just for a few minutes and remember how much you loved someone it can choke you up and just make you cry.  To let go of my tears at work yesterday was such a blessing.  It's so common to be at work in body, yet hide how we feel deep inside our soul from those around us.  While I don't cry throughout the day at work typically, it's comforting knowing that if and when I do, it is quite okay.

Since it is the Christmas season, I leave you with a picture taken many Christmas' ago. Not sure what this Christmas will be like without Yeye. My heart sinks knowing he is not here, but here's to remembering that he sure loved me.   In the picture, I'm wearing a skirt my sister Priscilla made me for Christmas, and holding a bag I had just crocheted (which I kept for myself=)). 

I'm signing off to continue multiple doses of honey lemon tea, salt gargling, warm compression on my throat, and medication. Hope to feel better soon.

A Catch Up of Sorts

Has it been that long? I guess I have been quite occupied lately, so this posting is going to be an assortment of many seemingly random thoughts I've had recently, just like an assortment of chocolate or something like that. They're all different and taste real good. Pardon my cold and my voice. I've got an extremely sore throat.=)

Old man

Today I went to return something at Filene's basement.  As I was walking into the store an old man, clearly past his 70's, was passing out flyers for the store.  His hair was white and he wasn't standing up straight enough to convince me he was younger. Is it just me or does that make you sad too? Sure I was happy to get a coupon from Filene's because they rarely give me coupons, but to think that a man that age has to work and can't have retired altogether. While there are some seniors who want to work and are quite active, I doubt any of them prefer to work in a clothing store.  My heart broke to see that.

Christmas Coupons

Right after going to Filene's, I went into AC Moore, an arts and crafts store, to buy some sprinkles for Kevin's cookie decorating with his class on Thursday. I had a 50% off coupon, but while I was picking up the sprinkles and lingering around, I heard this lady say to the girl behind me, "Do you need a 60% off coupon? Does anyone need a coupon?"  If you know me and my coupons, you know that I responded to her request. What a nice person though! She had printed out 10 coupons because she said that she couldn't see herself paying full price for anything, and so she didn't want others to do the same.  And to add to that, she cut out all 10 coupons that she printed. How super duper nice!

Long Road Trips

I took a road trip to visit my good friend in Ohio last week. Drove about 7 hours both ways and I have to say that driving is good for my soul.  What I love about going on road trips myself is that I get to roam around the country, stare at God's creation, pray, and just be in solitude for hour after hour.  There's no other place I can go, and nothing else I can do.  After working so hard these past few weeks to finish up school and having to run around from work to internship to UMCP, those drives really were so healthy for me.  Ironically, I haven't run or exercise for around two weeks (that's a record), but really driving is so healthy for me.

A First

You should know that about two weeks ago, I probably had one of the worst days I've had in awhile.  Losing my grandpa was emotional and sad, but it wasn't the worst horrible day because I saw signs of God working and these signs were very clear to me.  Two weeks ago, however, I did not see God working at all!  Did I just say that? Okay, he was working, but I experienced what I call a slam from Satan.  Came home on a Friday night and the girl who lives below us decided to have the most smoky and loud party ever.  I was ready to go down there and do something!!  Next thing I know, Kevin discovered that our bathroom floor was wet and our toilet overflowed. While trying to clean up the overflow, a drop of liquid fell on my shirt. I looked up and realized that our toilet hadn't overflowed, but the toilet in the condo above had some crazy issues.  We saw it leaking a little bit more and so Kevin went upstairs to talk to the owners.  Somehow it happened that they flushed the toilet and did something with the tub, but forgot that I was downstairs in the bathroom holding a dinky trashcan. That's right, I got peewater all over me.  No need to tell you everything, but long story short, I was pissed off and so exhausted that I went to sleep without taking a shower. Kev went to sleep at 4am and did an excellent job of disinfecting the bathroom. Sometimes being OCD comes in handy. He really is a nice man and a great husband.

What I really meant to tell you about is that this year I, I mean, we, have our very first Christmas tree!!  And yes, I bought it with a coupon from Michaels!  It's small and cute...and fake, but it's really charming.  Really enjoy having Christmas lights in the house.

Final thought... while in Ohio, I bought a book from the grocery store.  I'd never do that, #1 because it's more expensive than Amazon or somewhere else, and #2, because you just don't buy books from the grocery store!  Well, I had just gotten angry at my poor husband, and somehow while at Krogers read a small portion of the book "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff".  It's not the bible, but it must have been some sort of translation of it, because it made me call Kev and apologize to him for being a butthead.  I was going to walk away from the book and just put it back on the shelf, but I'm into doing new and crazy things, and I felt a calling to pick it up and glean more lessons from it, so yup, I bought a book from the grocery store and I feel really darn good about it!  I truly believe that I'm part of a small percentage of people who have EVER bought a book from the grocery store. Oh how good it feels..hehe.

Next time I'll talk about Ovaltine.  Stay tuned.

Oh my DAD

I think my dad may be much hipper than I thought! Um, yes, my dad has TWITTER. Are you seriuos?    Do I even understand how it works? Not really.

Sadly, he also got facebook before I did.  Makes me laugh=).

I cannot believe how much shopping I have done recently.  I've treated it as a study break/early graduation celebration for myself.  This is what you get when you decide not to go to graduation! Instead of spending money on a really ugly oversized flowy gown, I decided to buy some new things to look nice=).  As someone who lives off of handmedowns, I really do feel like I'm spoiling myself.

I had a great Thanksgiving and Thanksgiving weekend.  In fact, although I still have work to do, I decided that I was not doing ANY work this weekend. How good that feels!

This Thanksgiving was really quite different. It was the first time in a long while that I did not run the Turkey Chase. Do you know how much money it costs to register this year? Yes, another reason I don't feel horrible for shopping.  It was different though waking up a little later and not getting my endorphins going like I ALWAYS do on Thanksgiving morning.  What I love about the Turkey Chase is that it reminds me to be thankful for the healthy body God has given.  This year I feel like it was just as important. Reminded me to be thankful for a healthy body and I guess to be thankful for just being alive.

This past Thursday was also the first Thanksgiving without my Yeye. When you've seen someone alive for your entire life, it makes sense why it's so traumatizing seeing them still, and really with no life at all.   I thought this Thanksgiving would make me really sad, but I really had a great time and think it made me even more thankful to have family. I still really miss him though.   And what makes me the most sad is when I realize that I really won't see him anymore.  People keep comforting me by telling me I'll see him in heaven soon. Soon?  Looking at my genes, it'll be another 60-70 yrs until I see my grandpa again.  That doesn't sound like soon to me.

I took another 1 hour and 15 minute walk in remembrance of Ye Thanksgiving morning in place of the Turkey Chase. That was refreshing.  It helped me see more into Yeye's life actually and how much solitude, peace, and fresh air he must have gotten when he went on his daily walks.  Two years ago, Yeye was actually considering walking the 2 miler for the Turkey Chase at 96 years.  Can you believe it? The only thing that kept him from doing it was that at 96, he had his own schedule and there was no way I was going to get him up early enough to eat and be ready to walk at 8am.  I always think how cool it would have been if he could have done it. He totally would have put so many people to shame. He walked at least two miles every day I'm thinking.  1 hour and 15 minutes...Everytime I ran the race though, Ye would always laugh because years ago when I first started running the Turkey Chase, I told him how at the start line, the Turkey is on a car, and then once the race starts, it is driven away before anyone can even chase him. Ye would always crack up about this.  Again, in memory, here's a picture from my sister's wedding about 10 years back.  I can't say I've seen my grandpa make this face ever really, but it made me laugh. Love it!

Ice cream, cookies, and belts.

Today I got the best email from Baskin Robbins. They sent me a coupon for a free scoop of ice cream in celebration of what, yes that's right, my half birthday!!!  To think I almost forgot that today was my half birthday!

School has been consuming me so blogging tonight is a great relief.  Did I mention that I had the chance to exercise too? My blood has been boiling due to lack of exercise.  I have nothing for Kevin to eat for lunch tomorrow besides carrots, shredded cheese and frozen tater tots, but I think he's going to be okay and tomorrow's Friday so I'm letting go.  I cannot wait for the weekend, even if it means I'm still doing a lot of work.

Still been doing things in remembrance of Yeye.  Have you ever had a cookie from the Bean Bag in Rockville? I had to order a platter of cookies for a work meeting yesterday and when I ate their oatmeal cookie, um, can I say DEEELICIOUS.  I mean, delicious and very fresh, it was obvious.  Yeye loved oatmeal cookies and so eating that cookie made me wish that Ye had gotten a taste of this cookie sometime in his life.  I guess heaven must have better cookies, but I think he would have liked to taste a gourmet fresh oatmeal cookie if I brought him one as opposed to the grocery store cookies he always ate.

Now, I prefer not to take model shots of myself, but in this case, I wear this outfit very proudly.  Last Monday, I started off the week and went Yeye style by adding one of his old belts to my work ensemble.  Why in the world would you want to wear your old grandpa's clothes?!!?? I know.  Well, as someone who does not like to waste and as someone who also quite enjoys hand-me-downs, his belt gave me a lot of joy especially since I was the only one who knew where I snagged this fashion accessory from.  Made me feel safe and I enjoyed wearing a part of Ye around with me for the day.  So I wear his belt proudly and also was happy to know that it couldn't have clashed too much because my boss even gave me a complement and she's pretty hip for her age!  Just wait for when I break out Yeye's scarves=).  This is a style you can't steal...unless you too wear your grandpa's clothing. Am I starting a new trend??