I cannot believe how much shopping I have done recently.  I've treated it as a study break/early graduation celebration for myself.  This is what you get when you decide not to go to graduation! Instead of spending money on a really ugly oversized flowy gown, I decided to buy some new things to look nice=).  As someone who lives off of handmedowns, I really do feel like I'm spoiling myself.

I had a great Thanksgiving and Thanksgiving weekend.  In fact, although I still have work to do, I decided that I was not doing ANY work this weekend. How good that feels!

This Thanksgiving was really quite different. It was the first time in a long while that I did not run the Turkey Chase. Do you know how much money it costs to register this year? Yes, another reason I don't feel horrible for shopping.  It was different though waking up a little later and not getting my endorphins going like I ALWAYS do on Thanksgiving morning.  What I love about the Turkey Chase is that it reminds me to be thankful for the healthy body God has given.  This year I feel like it was just as important. Reminded me to be thankful for a healthy body and I guess to be thankful for just being alive.

This past Thursday was also the first Thanksgiving without my Yeye. When you've seen someone alive for your entire life, it makes sense why it's so traumatizing seeing them still, and really with no life at all.   I thought this Thanksgiving would make me really sad, but I really had a great time and think it made me even more thankful to have family. I still really miss him though.   And what makes me the most sad is when I realize that I really won't see him anymore.  People keep comforting me by telling me I'll see him in heaven soon. Soon?  Looking at my genes, it'll be another 60-70 yrs until I see my grandpa again.  That doesn't sound like soon to me.

I took another 1 hour and 15 minute walk in remembrance of Ye Thanksgiving morning in place of the Turkey Chase. That was refreshing.  It helped me see more into Yeye's life actually and how much solitude, peace, and fresh air he must have gotten when he went on his daily walks.  Two years ago, Yeye was actually considering walking the 2 miler for the Turkey Chase at 96 years.  Can you believe it? The only thing that kept him from doing it was that at 96, he had his own schedule and there was no way I was going to get him up early enough to eat and be ready to walk at 8am.  I always think how cool it would have been if he could have done it. He totally would have put so many people to shame. He walked at least two miles every day I'm thinking.  1 hour and 15 minutes...Everytime I ran the race though, Ye would always laugh because years ago when I first started running the Turkey Chase, I told him how at the start line, the Turkey is on a car, and then once the race starts, it is driven away before anyone can even chase him. Ye would always crack up about this.  Again, in memory, here's a picture from my sister's wedding about 10 years back.  I can't say I've seen my grandpa make this face ever really, but it made me laugh. Love it!

Ice cream, cookies, and belts.

Today I got the best email from Baskin Robbins. They sent me a coupon for a free scoop of ice cream in celebration of what, yes that's right, my half birthday!!!  To think I almost forgot that today was my half birthday!

School has been consuming me so blogging tonight is a great relief.  Did I mention that I had the chance to exercise too? My blood has been boiling due to lack of exercise.  I have nothing for Kevin to eat for lunch tomorrow besides carrots, shredded cheese and frozen tater tots, but I think he's going to be okay and tomorrow's Friday so I'm letting go.  I cannot wait for the weekend, even if it means I'm still doing a lot of work.

Still been doing things in remembrance of Yeye.  Have you ever had a cookie from the Bean Bag in Rockville? I had to order a platter of cookies for a work meeting yesterday and when I ate their oatmeal cookie, um, can I say DEEELICIOUS.  I mean, delicious and very fresh, it was obvious.  Yeye loved oatmeal cookies and so eating that cookie made me wish that Ye had gotten a taste of this cookie sometime in his life.  I guess heaven must have better cookies, but I think he would have liked to taste a gourmet fresh oatmeal cookie if I brought him one as opposed to the grocery store cookies he always ate.

Now, I prefer not to take model shots of myself, but in this case, I wear this outfit very proudly.  Last Monday, I started off the week and went Yeye style by adding one of his old belts to my work ensemble.  Why in the world would you want to wear your old grandpa's clothes?!!?? I know.  Well, as someone who does not like to waste and as someone who also quite enjoys hand-me-downs, his belt gave me a lot of joy especially since I was the only one who knew where I snagged this fashion accessory from.  Made me feel safe and I enjoyed wearing a part of Ye around with me for the day.  So I wear his belt proudly and also was happy to know that it couldn't have clashed too much because my boss even gave me a complement and she's pretty hip for her age!  Just wait for when I break out Yeye's scarves=).  This is a style you can't steal...unless you too wear your grandpa's clothing. Am I starting a new trend??

Eating Jo's fruitsnacks with my grandma while working on my MPH project. (I think this might be a good way to give her some vitamins.)

She just said to me in Chinese, "Once you graduate, you have to have a baby."

A live shot of Mama sitting while sharing with me her one wish.

My Two Confessions.

Slideshows and oatmeal cookies.

Good morning and welcome again to my blog.  I can't believe I hit another Saturday morning.  While you may be a fan of my blog, interestingly, I am too=).  Since Yeye passed away, I confess that I watch the slideshow from his memorial service at least once everyday. It makes me cry, goodness!, and reminds me of how much he meant to me. It also reminds me how much I meant to him.  

One thing I hate is how when we go through our days, sometimes you forget about important things because you are so busy with the everyday of life.  This week I thought less about Yeye because of work/school work and well I don't like that feeling. I guess this is the natural process of loss, but I don't like it at all. So whether it's through taking an hour and fifteen minute walk, visiting the cemetery, lighting a candle, looking at his slideshow, or reading notes to me where he started off with "my dear Isabel", I'm going to continue to remember him.  I'm sure many others will easily forget him, which is natural, but I've saved him a spot in my days to come.  

Ye waving "farewell" before going off for another afternoon walk. 

This week to remember Yeye, I ate oatmeal cookies!  And of course, Kevin remembered with me.  That's right. Yeye was OCD about making sure he always had a good inventory of oatmeal cookies. Oh my goodness, they were a main staple in his life.  When I was cleaning up his stuff after he passed away he had about 6-7 unopened packages of oatmeal cookies...Giant brand, Trader Joe's, everything (we each took home a bag of unopened cookies).  And even with a plethora of cookies, he'd always ask me to buy him another pack as if he were running out. We finished the whole pack of cookies this week and while Ye couldn't be here to share with me, I'm sure heaven has a much better supply of cookies and dessert.  =)

Coupons

My other confession which seems random is that I have been stealing my neighbors Sunday newspaper coupons lately and plot to steal them again after this Sunday's paper.  Our recycling/trash area is shared and a few weeks ago I spotted an untouched pack of coupons.  UNTOUCHED, uncut!  How could I resist??  Anyways, Sunday is coming up soon, so I anticipate a new inventory of more cost-saving coupons.  I hope never to get caught.=)

Titled "Yeye"

Officially went back to work today. Wow.  I felt so much love and support from my coworkers. And is it just me but did winter come a little too quickly?  Maybe it is the dramatic change coming from Florida to here, but man I've been freezing!  Yesterday when I came off the plane I was still in my Soffe shorts. Yes, I changed into long jeans right away.

I can't believe that it will almost be two weeks since Yeye passed away.  A few days after Yeye passed away, I decided to go on a walk in remembrance of Yeye.  Basically, I needed exercise and was also missing Ye so I decided to walk just as long as he always did...one hour and fifteen minutes.  You would not believe how long that can feel, not to mention how amazing it is to know that Ye walked that much in his 90's.  Goodness! I'm wondering how he got hooked up with such a great body!

Just wanted to share something I wrote for his memorial service last week.  While this piece probably highlights many memories of Yeye, I have so many more unwritten memories.  Once I graduate, maybe I can write some more! Okay here you go, a piece titled "Yeye".

Yeye

I don’t know where to start for where do you start when someone has lived such a long life?  98 years. 

If you really knew Yeye you knew he was humorous, sharp, and had a vitality and strength about him, almost supernatural for someone his age.  Up until his stroke at 97, he was a walking machine and literally walked in our neighborhood for over an hour everyday, except on Sundays.  If he were here, he’d probably correct me and state exactly the number of minutes he walked on a particular day.  Typically it was “one hour and fifteen minutes” (stated in a British accent).

If you really knew Yeye, you also knew that he wasn’t always doing well and tended to have a pretty bad temper on certain days. It might have been the challenges of aging that made some days very rough, but whatever it was, I still loved him and knew he loved me with all his heart. 

I used to always say that Jo was my dad’s favorite, Priscilla was my mom’s favorite and that meant that I was Yeye and Mama’s favorite.  My grandpa treated me like his little princess and up until his last day I know I was his grandbaby girl. He unfairly gave me special treatment and our relationship was truly something special. 

When I was little, especially in elementary school, I used to run to my grandparent’s room and plop myself down next to Yeye as he would watch TV in his big comfy recliner chair.  He sat on the left and Mama would sit on a chair to my right and we would watch TV together.  Yeye introduced me to Price is Right, and of course, Bob Barker, and let me get away with watching much more television than I was supposed to.

Growing up, my favorite Chinese snack was “Chun pei” or dried orange peel and Yeye always had a stash for me.  Sometimes he’d offer me an oatmeal cookie or Wheat Thins, and if I was brave enough to ask, he would give me a mini Snickers.  On Saturday mornings, my sisters and I would watch my grandpa prepare his huge breakfast and our mouths would water as he cooked his Ramen noodles or “Goong Jigh Meen”.  Yeye was the only person I knew who used the whole pack of seasoning.  I was always told the MSG was bad for you, but Yeye continued to enjoy his fully seasoned Ramen and I laugh seeing how many extra years it gave him.

Over the past 27 years, Yeye has always been my watchdog or a protector to me. He called me often to see how I was doing, he prayed for me, and when I used to live at Jo's, he literally would be waiting at the door for me every time I came home.  On one occasion, Kevin and I were coming back from an out-of-town wedding and when we pulled into the driveway at around 3am in the morning, we saw a huge fog-like light coming from my grandpa’s window scanning back and forth across the lawn. My grandpa was waiting to make sure I came home safely.

I’ve heard people say that when girls don’t receive that deeper love from their fathers, they often look for love in all the wrong places. God has blessed me with a loving father, but I also believe that he has blessed and protected my heart ten fold by giving me a grandfather who showered extra love on me.  Having sported big plastic glasses, puffy short hair, old uncool clothes, and a fairly dorky attitude throughout my teenage years, I really believe that Yeye’s special treatment kept me from having major self-esteem issues.  And while I was a typical teenage girl, I never felt the need to chase boys or date any but one and I credit my grandpa for much of that.  Yeye enabled me to have a confidence and love for life.  He showed me that I was precious in God’s sight and I could not be more thankful. 

Much love to you Yeye.  May you see God face to face and may you relish in God’s love and goodness.

The Beach

Been at Clearwater Beach for the past few days for a conference.  The beach is so beautiful, the weather warm and breezy. Tonight we walked one of piers at night and it was so amazing to see so many fish swimming actively in the water even after the day was almost over.  It was so dark though and scary to be so far out in the ocean, on the pier of course. Beautiful but fearfully beautiful.  Kind of how God must be like. He is beautiful, but he has a lot of scary powers too.  

Yesterday was probably the first day I haven't cried in the past week or so.  I've been taking my grandpa's death pretty hard and so naturally, there have been many tears. The beach has had this calming effect on me, the sounds, the water, the sun.  I thought the beach might be able to heal my sadness completely, but I should have figured that loss is not something that goes away quickly.  I can feel the feelings and the sadness overwhelming me again just knowing that I'm going home tomorrow.  I've always thought about what it might feel like when Yeye would pass away. I knew and already felt previously how hard it might be at the moment I heard he passed, but I never imagined or even was able to imagine of what life must be like without him afterward. That's what I can't figure out quite yet.

I realized tonight that one of the best things I loved about Ye is that when I talked with him, he always wanted to hear what I said. He always was excited to hear me talk about how far I ran and would respond as if what I said was always interesting and important.  Not that other people are less caring, but in today's world, you don't typically get that type of special attention. Something I'll miss.

Signing off from Clearwater Beach.  Tomorrow Kevin is going to wake up nice and early to fish.  And next time Kev and I come back, we're going to visit Sawgrass Lake and see some alligators.=)